| A group of high-school kids, who are infused with unique superpowers, harness their abilities in order to save the world.

Warning: this review occasionally contains strong language, which may be unsuitable for children or “adults” who are easily triggered. Plus I’m aware I am being totally unprofessional, but with movies like this piece of shit I really don’t care.

The awful (and Japanese rip-off) 90’s TV show for kids gets it’s newly awful movie reboot. This is a perfect example of a film that has no idea what it’s trying to be. It’s too self serious to appeal to a younger audience yet too corny and in your face to appeal to an older audience either. Once you get past the opening gag in which one character tells about accidentally masturbating a cow (I’m not even fucking joking…), the first act starts off actually “decent”… until it never fucking ends.

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Looks at these tough lads. No, this is not the front picture of Seventeen. These “badasses” are the fucking Power Rangers…………

The result is a film about heroes in rainbow leotards who battle giant monsters with robot dinosaurs in which an hour and 34 fucking minutes pass (I marked it) before those heroes actually get into their hero costumes and fight a bad guy. What’s less readily explicable still – and arguably even sadistic – is the way the film keeps pretending they’re about to, before ploughing its heroes into another cycle of wrestling with Real Life Teenage Issues like sexting… (Yup I’m still not joking) and training at the behest of their Great Oz-like mentor Zordon played by Bryan Cranston and Alpha 5, his annoying as shit Bill Hader-voiced robot sidekick.

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Those Oscar-Nominated facial reaction shots is just gold…

And it gets worse, because what is unique is the winking shamelessness of an extended (and probably the worst product placement in the history of film) for Krispy Kreme Doughnuts, that even appears during a pivotal plot point. It is so unsubtle that it almost plays like a parody of the technique. They made Michael Bay so proud with that. And the script (holy shit that fucking script) which reads like a first “vomit mixed with diarrhea” draft, with stiff dialogue and incredibly rigid structure, it comes off so fake and cheesy and it’s simply so incredibly atrocious that you just want to rip your fucking eyes off.

Eventually after all the atrociousness, one line goes “Are we Power Rangers, or are we friends?” and I completely lost it in the theater.

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The awesome Rita totally expressing my feelings about this movie

The characters (aka cardboard cutouts from every other teenage coming of age movie ever made) are just as one-dimensional and repetitive as you thought they would be. It’s of course so “believable” that a movie is trying to be relatable by showing a middle-class and obviously attractive teenage girl being cyberbullied. Seriously, every single one of the power rangers has a sob story of their own.

But the film’s most blatant camp comes from Banks’ colourfully arch performance as the mighty sorceress Rita Repulsa, a former Power Ranger who wants the crystal for herself. Sarcastic and haughty, Rita walks through the film as if she knows that Power Rangers is a third/fourth/fifth etc.-rate Hollywood product, deciding that she might as well have a little fun.

So yeah, to round up this beautiful review….

‘Power Rangers’ gets a 4.5/10.

(PS. I was honestly tempted to break the barrier for a lower rating)

Shot on 35's Rating Sheet:

9.5 – 10.0: Excellent!

8.5 – 9.5: Fantastic, but with minor flaws

7.5 – 8.5: Great, but with issues

6.5 – 7.5: Okay, but with major issues

5.5 – 6.5: Had potential, but falls flat hard.

4.5 – 5.5: Disaster!

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Written by Dani

Gallego/Español 🇪🇸 | Writer & Director for Film | Editor in Chief of http://Shoton35.com | Supporter of Celta de Vigo | Fan of DC Comics & Vertigo

3 comments

  1. I have to stop by and mention how much I enjoyed this review. I haven’t seen the movie (and don’t intend to), but I can easily believe it’s as bad as you say. I’d almost find it worth watching just for the Krispy Kreme moments LOL. Too often, movies made for kids are given a free pass, but there’s no excuse for shabby work just because it’s aimed at a younger audience. Thanks for maintaining standards on behalf of juvenile viewers.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Badger, I thank you for having the courage to click on this review about this incredible movie. I’m glad you enjoyed it and I hope for your own well being you will never have to see the movie haha.

      Like

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